There's a larger Blog coming, promise. Have to organize my life from the last few months

.....I think in decimals and dollars.

I am the cause to all your problems,

Shelter from cold. we are never alone.

Coordinate brain and mouth.

Then ask me whats it like to have

Myself so figured out.

I wish I knew......

...

We are the best at what we do.

And these are the words you wish you wrote down.

This is the way you wish your voice sounds,

Handsome and smart.

Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body

That works harder than my heart.

And its all from watching TV,

And from speeding up my breathing.

Wouldn't stop if I could.

Oh it hurts to be this good.

You're holding on to your grudge.

Oh it hurts to always have to be honest

With the one that you love.

Oh, so let it go..

And you'd still be gone.

If I had a dollar bill for every time I’ve been wrong
I’d be a self-made millionaire and you’d still be gone
So hand me down my best dress shoes and my best dress shirt
Cause I’m going out in style to cover the hurt
And all I wanna do all day is spend it in bed
But that’s bad for the body and even worse for my head
So I’ll try and find a place where no one will ask me a thing
It’ll help to forget and help me to sing

Cause now I’m drunk again
The means to my end
And I’m scared of myself
Cause now it’s the same the faces and names
And I’m scared of myself again

Have you ever wanted to wake up from your dreaming
Scared you so bad you couldn’t control your heart or your breathing
Well walk out the door with me on the floor
You don’t care how I’m feeling
I guess a weak and tired and frightened man is no longer appealing

Some people have a gift of reaching right into your soul
and finding the whole and making it
bigger
Baby sometimes I think I catch ya crackin’ cynical smiles
and in a short while you’ll be my
heart’s grave digger
Well there’s not much I can do
Cause I’m at the mercy of you
So baby I guess we’re through

Cause now I’m drunk again
The means to my end
And I’m scared of myself
Cause now it’s the same the faces and names
And I’m scared of myself again
Cause now it’s all the same the faces and the names
So go walk out the door you don’t believe me no more
And I’m scared of myself again

If I had a dollar bill for every time I been wrong
I’d be a self made millionaire and I wouldn’t be singing

I'm not ready to be a grown up

Sure, I joke about being immature, and will continue to be a kid until I am likely well in to my 40’s. But today made me realize just how unprepared I really am for that kind of responsibility. For the 6 hours I sat in the ER with my grandmother, even knowing it was just a dizzy spell that happened to hit with a migraine, I couldn’t help but think of the worst possibilities.

If I had lost her today, I wouldn’t even know where to start. I know where the will is kept, and I feel I could handle all the… administrative tasks involved (of course her sister and brother would help I imagine…).

I’m glad shes okay. I really am not ready to be a grown up yet, at least not completely.