Tradition

Listening to: Queens of the Stone Age - Regular John

Traditions. We all have them, we all either love or hate them. But I'm not going to talk about personal traditions, as they are that. Do what you will when you feel like it. No, today I'm talking about the traditions of everyone. Those dates everyone deems "special". With the advent of Valentines day approaching, and for the second consecutive year of not being single around this time of year in a LONG TIME, I'm finding myself more annoyed than ever at this.

Holidays are supposedly the time of year we show those we care about affection on a grand scale. Everyone gets everyone a gift, invites them to parties, says warm things. Even if we don't particularly know the person, we're inclined to say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy new year!". Bullshit. It was an arbitrary day picked by some dudes almost 2 thousand years ago. I show my affection to who I want when I want. I bought Allison an iPad last year when they came out. I had planned it for 2 months. I didn't do it for any other reason than she had mentioned, in passing, that it'd be cool to have one. On that same token, I didn't get her a gift for valentine's day. Now she's big into tradition, I can't fault her too much for that, it's just I never have been. So when we get into a fight over these things, it usually doesn't lead anywhere; She wants what she wants, I want to ignore the stipulated dates for gift giving and just get her stuff when I feel like it. She didn't seem to mind the iPad, once she got over the initial shock that I had spent 600 bucks on her.

In the end, I always cave to some form of required giving on these days. Not because I am at my core a soft hearted fool pretending to be an asshole, but because I know it'll make her smile, it makes her happy. In the end that's all I want to do, and if biting back my opinion will do it, I'm willing to make that change, not to my opinion, but to what I'm willing to do to make her happy.

A lot of people think the way I do, but most of the people I know don't. They like the structure of having specified days to receive and give gifts on. They don't like randomly receiving a delivery with their name on it they did not order. They assume they now must get me something. That's not the point of gift giving for me. When I see something and buy it for someone else, I don't really worry about what I will get in return. I don't want anything. Mostly because I am the most notorious of everyone I know to get gifts. It's hard to get me something I didn't ask for because usually I'll have bought it for myself. This is why I think I have these opinions and why I feel the way I do about it.

So if I ever get you a present, please, don't get me one back, that's not why I did it.

Fuck Today.

Listening to: "Los Angeles" Sugarcult, Lights Out.

Some days I wake up feeling like I have nothing worth doing, that I don't want to work, I don't want to keep fighting for what I want. Some days I wake up and think I can't do any better. It's these days where I need my space. Where I don't want anyone around me, and I don't want anyone's asshole opinion. Oddly, these days also tend to be my most productive. I get restless, I make impulsive decisions and occasionally solve a whack load of problems I've been having.

Today I woke up and wondered "why bother?". I woke up miserable and I wanted to punch myself in the face. When i finally dragged myself out of bed. I did my usual routine of grabbing a drink, sitting at the computer, reading my news sites and throwing on iTunes. As I sat here, listening to music and reading. I figured "Hey fucker, write a blog". I Don't know if it's a down spiral or not. I hope not. But I feel motivated. I don't know what I am going to do with this energy. I want to write, but I feel like it won't be good enough. I want to paint, But the lighting in here is shit for it. I want to get a job, but I really don't want settle for less than what I'm worth.

I always used to use this energy to clean or something ridiculous. But the apartment is relatively clean. Although after having written this, maybe it's time I get some bullshit done I've needed to do for a while. I just really don't like going to staples.

First things first, I'm off to the gym.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vATvNdMS-QM

"Los Angeles"

I want a girl, girl that won't talk back
And a job, job that gives me slack
And a car, car that won't break down
In the heat of Los Angeles
I want to go, go without a map
Far away, away, I won't get trapped
By the sound, a town, the sun beats down
In the heat of Los Angeles

One more holiday
I will not celebrate
I'm almost desperate
Cause I'm down, I'm down, I'm so beat down

This city's killing me
I want, I want, I want everything
This city's killing me
In the heat of Los Angeles

I want a love, love that won't hit back
Want sex, sex without a catch
Want a face, to trust, to feel, to lust
In the heat of Los Angeles
Want to fuck, fuck, fuck this up
Gonna feel, feel, feel you up
Had enough, enough, enough's enough
In the heat of Los Angeles

This city's killing me
I want, I want, I want everything
This city's killing me
In the heat of Los Angeles
What has become of me?
I want, I want, I want everything
This city's killing me
(I want everything)

Come on, come on
It's alive and breathing
Come on, come on
Come alive today
Come on, come on
It's a heartless beating
The sun is burning down Los Angeles
Los Angeles
Los Angeles

I want a girl, girl that won't talk back
And a job, job that gives me slack
And a car, car that won't break down
In the heat of Los Angeles

Come on, come on
It's alive and breathing
Come on, come on
Come alive today
Come on, come on
It's a heartless beating
The sun is burning down

(This city's killing me)
Come on, come on
It's alive and breathing
Come on, come on
Come alive today
(This city's killing me)
Come on, come on
It's a heartless beating
The sun is burning down Los Angeles (one more holiday)
The sun is burning down Los Angeles (I will not celebrate)
The sun is burning down Los Angeles (one more holiday)
The sun is burning down Los Angeles (I will not celebrate)