Bigger on the Inside

Every I think I've hit some sort of breakthrough, or objective, I'm reminded of how unaware I am of my capabilities. I am good at what I do.

tbs

"They Don't Have Any Friends"

It's a free for all
First comments served
Half listens in
And haven't watched it until the end yet
I haven't watched it until the end
But you can't stop yourself
(You can't stop yourself)
But you can't stop yourself
(Before you could get it for free)
Do you remember what that used to mean?

I'm not angry, I'm not anything at all
I'm not angry
I'm not anything at all
Why work if you don't have to?
Don't listen we'll do it for you
Cause I feel like a bigger man
With the upper hand
In those last few seconds before I hit send

I keep my head down and hope for a hit
Open the flood gates for all those smug little kids
(It's not their fault)
They don't have any friends
(They can't help themselves)
They can't stop themselves
(They can't stop themselves)
Undressing themselves
(Alone in their room)
Thinking that no one will ever love them
(Is to tell me what I'm doing wrong)

It didn't make you happy, It didn't make you anything at all
But you kept asking
You kept asking for that song
And I'm not angry, I'm not anything at all
I'm not angry
I'm not anything at all
Why work if you don't have to?
Don't listen we'll do it for you
Cause I feel like a bigger man
With the upper hand
In those last few seconds before I hit send

It didn't make you happy, It didn't make you anything at all
But you kept asking
You kept asking for that song

Why work if you don't have to?
Don't listen we'll do it for you
Cause I fell like a bigger man
With the upper hand
In those last few seconds before I hit send

Krewella - Dancing with the Devil

You're dancing with the devil
You're dancing with the devil

Whoa oh, whoa oh
Our clipped wings will never hold us down,
Whoa oh, whoa oh
We are kings from the underground
We, we came, to rain on your parade
And if we die, then, who will be your remedy,
so shut the fuck up, we're about to leave a legacy.

We are louder the your bullshit
So, you're just dancing with the devil
We are louder then your bullshit
So, just dancing with the devil

Whoa oh, whoa oh,
Our clipped wings will never hold us down,
Whoa oh, whoa oh,
We are kings from the underground
We, we came, to rain on your parade
And if we die, then, who will be your remedy
So shut the fuck up, we're about to leave a legacy

We are louder than your bullshit,
so just dancing with the devil

Dancing with the devil.
Dancing with the devil
You're dancing with the devil.

Calling - The Birthday Massacre

"Calling"

Come, take a look inside
What you lost you'll find
What you want is right in front of you
Look, underneath the stairs
What's broken is repaired
Now there's nothing left behind
Nothing left of you

Voices start to change
Faces rearrange
Eyes roll back and hands are pulling you down
They're dragging you beneath
In between your teeth
You'll sleep when the shadow move over your

Black eyes
I hear you calling out for me tonight
No rest for the soon departed
Black eyes
You won't be dreaming when you sleep tonight
I'll finish what you started

Eyes hiding in the hall
Hanging on the wall
Through this broken window
Feeling the cold distance of the moon
In this empty room
Now there's nothing left behind
And it's all because of you

Cover your ears
You don't wanna hear
The whispers in the walls
Are making it clear

You're all by yourself
There is no one else
You'll sleep when the shadow move over your

Black eyes
I hear you calling out for me tonight
No rest for the soon departed
Black eyes
You won't be dreaming when you sleep tonight
I'll finish what you started

Hands cover your eyes
Now that you realize
All the things you love
Were never here

What's lost will be found
Buried underground
You'll sleep when the shadow moves over you

Black eyes
I hear you calling out for me tonight
No rest for the soon departed
Black eyes
You won't be dreaming when you sleep tonight
I'll finish what you started

Downswing

So the trending of negativity has continued. The reset I was hoping for didn't occur, so I'm just going to detach for a while I think. Focus on my training at work, try and enjoy my time with my friends.

I need to get back on my slightly more strict eating habits, since I got back I've slipped a little. I still have largely been avoiding red meat, but my soda addiction is back. It's not like I'm having 3-4 a day though, usually just one. I'd like it to be down to one a week.

With all the craziness going on I also haven't had much chance to write. Combine that with a new game basically coming out every week, and I feel like my time is stretched very thin. I'm already trying to figure out what I'm going to do for vacation next year. Maybe this time I'll go somewhere farther. I'd like to go to the UK but I generally like to visit people, and my only friend in the UK is moving here in....64 days? Who knows, maybe keep it simple and go on a generic vacation to somewhere tropical....

Training for the new position starts Monday, which is unfortunate because I have to start late due to a funeral. Obviously the Funeral is more important, it just feels like the only truly good thing happening around me is this promotion.

The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy

Put on your war paint

You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down
Strike a match and I'll burn you to the ground
We are the jack-o-lanterns in July
Setting fire to the sky
He-here comes this rising tide
So come on

Put on your war paint

Cross walks and crossed hearts and hope-to-dies
Silver clouds with grey linings

So we can take the world back from the heart-attacked
One maniac at a time we will take it back
You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start
So dance alone to the beat of your heart

Hey young blood
Doesn't it feel like our time is running out?
I'm gonna change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix
You're wearing our vintage misery
No, I think it looked a little better on me
I'm gonna change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

Bring home the boys and scrap scrap metal the tanks
Get hitched and make a career out of robbing banks
Because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks
"You broke our spirit," says the note we pass

So we can take the world back from the heart-attacked
One maniac at a time we will take it back
You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start
So dance alone to the beat of your heart

Hey young blood
Doesn't it feel like our time is running out?
I'm gonna change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix
You're wearing our vintage misery
No, I think it looked a little better on me
I'm gonna change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

Put on your war paint

[4x:]
The war is won
Before it's begun
Release the doves
Surrender love

(Wave the white flag!)

Hey young blood
Doesn't it feel like our time is running out?
I'm gonna change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix
You're wearing our vintage misery
No, I think it looked a little better on me
I'm gonna change you like a remix
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

Hey young blood -
Doesn't it feel - like our time is running out?
I'm gonna change you like a remix -
Then I'll raise you like a phoenix

Put on your war paint

Put on your War Paint

Being here in San Jose has been a mixed bag due to certain events. I've had a genuinely awesome time, But getting the news that my grandmother may have had another stroke about 24 hours after arriving has added a layer of anxiety. Luckily she was with family when it happened, and luckily, family has been keeping me informed. She said not to come home, and honestly? I feel fine with that call... All that would happen there is what is happening to me here. I'd be a big ole bag of uselessness, since I can't do anything.

I got the promotion at work. It's a relief but another source of stress, but the good kind.

I have been taking the days where I am generally on my own while here to try and write. Most of it is rough and rusty, probably nothing useful, but I need to re-train to just keep writing no matter what. It's actually helping me a lot. The emotional damage October has been inflicting upon me seemed to what to keep it up, but I'm channeling it. In the mean time I'll keep my chin up. When I get home, there is a lot I'll have to pick up, and just remember what this vacation was supposed to do. I need to reset.